How in the world has a month already gone by?!
Ellie spent her first month meeting all the people we love and share life with. Literally she’s almost met everyone at this point. We took her first outing that wasn’t a doctors appointment, which was to her Uncle’s football game (he’s 14). We spent most of our time cuddling at home and adjusting to life. Figuring out a routine that will work for all of us and hoping each night we get a little more sleep!
how she’s growing.
This month has went by so fast and Ellie has changed right before our eyes! She went from this tiny, little newborn to a still tiny, but chubby one month old! She is filling out and quickly moving out of her newborn clothes and into the 0-3 month sizes. She can still wear some of her newborn shirts but the sleepers, onesies and pants are completely out! Which to me is just mind blowing considering she could fit into some preemie clothing when we brought her home from the hospital. This girl loves to eat… and is actually picky about it too since we have her on breastmilk and formula. She much rather would have an endless supply of breastmilk and will only take a couple ounces of formula. She’s growing every day and changing by the minute. She’s napping less and talking to us more. Giving us real smiles, not just gas smiles anymore! She coos when we have long conversations with her, because she obviously knows what we are talking about. Loves to hang out on her farm play mat with Dad and hit all the toys. We are still waiting for her eyes to give us a sign of color. They started off dark, then one changed to newborn blue and the other stayed dark. As of about a week ago, her right eye is now split between a newborn blue and dark… crazy looking, there is actually a line going down the middle of it… and of course I keep trying to capture it with my camera but something’s a photo just won’t do justice for! She’s still getting up every 1-2 hours but sometimes spoils us with a 2-3 hour stretch. Which then she wakes up super hangry and wanting to chat with us about it for at least an hour or more after she’s fed. She’s loving her crib and her room. Loves to look at the different contrasts in rooms with big windows that let in the sunshine.
what we are loving.
Mostly Mom’s arms… but… also.
Boppy Pillow - We use this for feedings whether it’s nursing her or bottle… great for under your arm and for the football hold while nursing.
Momaroo - We borrowed from some friends when Ellie decided that she didn’t like her swing or bouncing seat. She takes her morning nap in there now while I drink my coffee while it’s hot and answer emails. It’s turned out to be a lifesaver we need a minute from baby snuggles… which I would like to say is never but, let’s be honest. Having a free hand after a few hours is essential and I never realized how much I appreciate hot coffee until having a newborn.
Wildbird Sling - I bought three of these when I found out I was pregnant because they’re so stinking adorable! I am so happy that Ellie likes to hang out in the sling while I walk around and do cleanup around the house in the evening. I know you’re probably thinking “why do you need three baby wraps?” but check out their website and you’ll understand why just one wasn’t enough!
Baby Jogger Pram - This has been another favorite. Summer/Fall is our favorite time of year. We spend a lot of time outside taking walks and going to my little brother’s football games. I didn’t love the thought that she would have to be all scrunched and strapped into the carseat for long periods of time attached to the stroller. So, I did some research and found this “pram” which essentially turns the stroller seat into a bassinet until she can sit in the actual seat once she’s a little bigger. It gives her lots of room to stretch and nap. Plus, it gives us a space to change her when we are out as well instead of going back to the car or hoping there’s one of those dirty changing tables in a bathroom stall.
how recovery has been.
Recovery has been a journey.
When we first came home it was a high that I can’t even explain. Pure bliss and love and ALLLLL the tears. Constantly tears, mostly happy… but after about a week they took a little turn. I experienced what I learned to be the “baby blues” which is not quite Post Partum Depression, but I honestly thought it was. No one told me what the baby blues were or that they were any different than PPD. I was feeling exhausted and defeated. Not only was Ellie not sleeping but on top of that I was recovering from an unplanned c-section and the recovery was something I never saw coming. Not being able to do all of the “mom things'‘ I thought I would be able to do like bending down to feed her and pick her up, etc. Really took its toll on me mentally. I honestly had some moments where I really though “am I cut out for this?” - Now that we are a month out, which doesn’t seem like that long… I realize that a lot of things played a factor in all of my rollercoaster of emotions in the last month. One huge one being my hormones being all over the place. Something you don’t think about when you are going to have baby. I did my best to communicate with everyone around me about how I was feeling not only because I didn’t have the energy to act any differently than I felt… but also because honestly, PPD scares the crap out of me and I wanted to make sure my people knew how I was feeling so that if things took a turn and I did end up with PPD, my people knew and I could lean on them. As of now, I am feeling much better. No more baby blues… no concern really of PPD. My anxiety has definitely been higher than usual but overall I am beginning to feel more balanced. Thank goodness!
Truthfully, I could go on and on about recovery and all the things I didn’t know, all the things I felt or didn’t. The expectations I had versus what actually happened but it was a lot like “instagram vs. reality” and I could honestly do an entire blog post on all of it… (maybe that will happen!)
This last month has been the most up and down month of our lives. BUT. To be cliche. We honestly wouldn’t change a thing… ok, maybe we would hope for more sleep… but. Honestly, since Ellie has started spoiling us here and there with longer stretches, I miss her during those times. She’s so alert and focused on us now when she is awake and the feeling of love when I look into her eyes is overwhelming (cue more tears). We’ve waited for this tiny human for so long and although at times I call her “the beast” (she legit growls at us) she’s the most beautiful tiny beast we could ever ask for.